Why Write a Book?
Peace by Piece
A Memoir of Loss, Faith and the Missing Pieces
(Former book title: A Way of Escape ... The 12 Steps I never took!)
A Memoir of Loss, Faith and the Missing Pieces
(Former book title: A Way of Escape ... The 12 Steps I never took!)
Recovery Chaplain
Judy Cockrum, Anniversary photo, June 24, 2017
SEARCHING ...
The Beyond Within* A PAUSE for a brief intro: This webpage has been a work in progress for multiple years. I have had several publication dates for my book. But in December 2020, my sons and I were shocked when, instead of returning from the hospital for treatment of pancreatitis, Russ died in the ICU. We weren't able to be with him his 26 days of illness, because of COVID-19 restrictions at the Indianapolis VA Hospital. I was able to talk to caregivers and have brief conversations with him those 26 days but he was in and out of ICU and got to the point where he wasn't able to use his cell phone. We were both dependent on someone caring enough to connect us. The hospital staff set up a TV for us to see each other live, twice in 26 days. Once early into his hospitalization, and 3 days before we were working to bring him home on Home Care. He had Sepsis that wasn't discovered until 12 hours before he passed. Our loss is heaven's gain. We miss him so much - it's been more than 5 years, and the pain of loss is like the news was heard yesterday. This was written before his death: Why write a book? If my story helps one individual gain hope and change their future, the writing of this story is worth every minute spent. 53 years ago, when we first married, we had so many dreams and big plans. Best friends in high school, engaged at 17 and 18, careers and a family on our horizon - but life dished out more than we were prepared to digest, and our emotional immaturity got in the way of our dreams. The raging Vietnam War, and all of its intricacies in the USA in the late 1960's, dictated our first 5 years of marriage. Russ joined the Army before our 1st wedding anniversary. Our sons were born while he was serving US Army. We moved dozens of times and were apart both times I was pregnant and went into labor. I was in Indiana, he was on his way to Korea when Jim was born 1969, and I was in Illinois while he was getting base housing at our new duty station, in Maryland, when I was admitted for Ken's delivery. He arrived in time for the birth, but had to leave before Ken, Jim and I could travel. We called our Army experience the "forever good-bye." Russ almost had orders for Vietnam in 1969, then they got changed to an "accompanied tour to Taipei Taiwan. We started preparation for international relocation, I was expecting Jim's arrival and had the immunizations scheduled for following him 30 days into his tour. 5 days before his scheduled departure, the US Army changed his orders to South Korea. We received a phone call and a letter. He would be stationed on the DMZ between North and South Korea. An "unaccompanied" 13 month tour. We spent 5 days crying and holding each other. He flew away to Korea. I went into labor, with our first son Jim, later that day. Russ came home from the military broken. Greeted by a 13-month-old son, and a very sad and lonely, but hopeful, wife. He was a loner, an alcoholic, seemingly running, hiding, fearful ... and often irrational. |
Russ and Judy Cockrum, Jim, and Ken along with Abby (at Ken's left hand)
Christmas Card 1977
https://fb.watch/4-jJ-KcFiT/
". . . life dished out more than we were prepared to digest, and our emotional immaturity got in the way of our dreams." Russ was never abusive, but often withdrawn and couldn't enjoy himself. He just wasn't the man I married.
I knew him 4 years before we married. He always had a deep moral integrity that I've respected and clung to through the years. He is my rock, my mentor and confidant. Leaning on him turned to watching him from a distance, the imagined chasm brought on by defeat, and isolation, became real and our new normal. After several years of fighting the unknown (1978) we both landed in the arms of an amazing pastor and his wife, Herb and Norma Hull who demonstrated what life can be, following Christ. We jumped in - the whole family, never went back to the drug and alcohol culture. But, wounds of our past went with us, we've bent a knee to our Lord, begging for the hurts of our past to be lifted, but accepted several years ago that this may be our "thorn in the flesh." Instead of quitting we must share who we are, what we've survived and how our God has carried us through the unknown. Celebrate Recovery has taken us there, to a place where sharing, being real and giving back all begins happening; when you show-up, speak-up and suddenly find yourself giving back, now you are on the road to recovery. judy 2020 *The Beyond Within by Oswald Chambers "He imparts to us the quickening of the life of Jesus, which puts 'the beyond' within, and immediately the beyond has come within ... " Daily Devotional November 28 |
